Busting the Dream, people are mostly involved in thoughts of themselves - same as we are. It goes to follow, then, that rarely what another does or says is truly because of us. At the root is their own needs, wants, and desires - to support, serve, escape pain and suffering, control their circumstance, etc. We are all driven by a selfish nature of sorts, needed to survive and create our life as we wish it to be. In order to create our life, no matter what that looks like, we need to be in central focus.
When we take things personally, we agree with what the other person is saying. We give up our personal power to their views, to their experience, to how they see the world. When we take things personally, it’s an indication that another has triggered a self-doubt in us. If we truly didn’t believe, we wouldn’t pay attention.
For example, perhaps we’ve been working on being more open and sensitive to other’s views. If someone is curt with us and using defensive body language, our sensitivity may be triggered. Even though in reality this person just got out of a lousy meeting and was still perturbed, we take their tone and posture as something we generated. Our inability to be “open and sensitive” sparked this reaction in them. Its our fault. This is what we think - WRONG!
When we can be clear and solid within ourselves, this won’t happen. We’ll know it’s not us. We’ve been working hard and have awareness of ourselves, know that we’ve doing the right thing, making sure to check in with tone, phrasing, posture, etc. We can then let the engaged experience be as it is and not transfer another’s challenges to our psyche.
Stepping back and remembering that what another is doing or saying has nothing to do with us gives is the power to reframe our view of their actions. We can see that their unskillfulness is only an expression of their attempt to resolve their uncomfortableness. We are all unskillful at times, heated in the moment, or too frazzled to handle thing as we would prefer. Wouldn’t it be nice if the person on the receiving end didn’t take our moments of unskillfulness personally? We can offer the same thing and, in the process, help ourselves and our relationship with them.
This Second Agreement is a great reminder that we are in control of what impacts us. We can own our experiences. We are in charge. Remember we are all mirrors... others are no different. Don’t take on their mirror. Don’t take it personally.
What are some of the ways that you take things personally? Can you share situations that created suffering and that you’ve later discovered you interpreted completely wrong? How did this change you future view of situations? Feel free to leave comments here or follow this event on our Facebook business page.
Stay in Peace!
Mindfulness & Stress Management Coach