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Oh.... so many lessons

2/4/2020

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After finishing my 10 month Optimize Coaching program in December, I was on fire. My confidence was huge, I was feeling courageous, I was putting myself out there in ways I haven't done in a while (which felt really good), and my creative juices were flowing.
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Getting through the weird mid-week holidays and into January, this awesomeness continued. And then I faced something I didn't want to do but previously committed myself to. Even though I was getting a huge nag to change the committed plan, I stuck with it… but it cost me a lot of energy and willpower and totally took me out of flow. And then I got sick, really sick. Laid up in bed for with the flu for five days, recovery still slowly lingering.

During the time that I was sick, there was no energy available to entertain my mind. It was all I could do to maintain awareness of my body, supporting its healing. So I have to smile that the mend begins when the mind comes in… although that is really quite the opposite of what happened. 

Instead of my mind being my champion, it was the most disruptive unhealthy part of me. It was like the gremlins got together while I was “unconscious” for so many days and decided to attack when things started to get better. Every nook and cranny of how bad and wrong and insignificant and unworthy of greatness I might be was busting out at the seams. The flu was nasty enough but this mindset? How can I be doing this to myself? I'm in the practice of self-love, self-care, and self compassion. Where was it for me?

Of course I didn't have the energy to fight with my mind. It was hard enough trying to walk up and down the stairs. So here I was, face-to-face with the Gremlins of Dark. What to do?

Since I was already laying down, it was natural just to have my gremlins lay down next to me. What are you really trying to say to me? What's your real message? Hopefully somewhere in there you're trying to inspire me… what insights can I draw from your criticisms? What are you hoping that I'll do differently in my life? And who invited you into this room, anyways? Do I want you here? Do I need you here? 

It's easy to get lost in the fear mind, in the old tapes we play, the ones that have been playing for decades about how we're not as good as we think we are and we'll never make it the way we really want to make it. Even after decades of work, we might ask ourselves "is any of that true?"

Laying there with my fear, it was true… from my fear’s perspective. But it wasn't true from my heart’s perspective.

My heart is deeply and directly connected to my basic goodness and the all the ways I want to make this world a better and more loving place. I have so much to offer and, while I’m not always showing up as fully as I’d like, I'm working on it. Every day I head a little bit more in that direction. I help people through my coaching practice, supporting others to connect with their possibilities and worthiness. I share a lot of skills with business organizations throughout the world, helping team members have a little bit more ease and balance in their jam-packed days. And I provide a safe place for people to share themselves, to be seen and heard.

All I can give to my life is a chance, to optimize as best I can every moment that I'm given. Am I 100% “on” all the time? Absolutely not. But identifying more “on” than “off” and celebrating that keeps the spiral moving upward. Sure, the gremlins are going to be right there but maybe they'll be a little bit quieter if they can lay down next me instead of screaming in my face.

Reminders and learnings? Plenty:
1) Honor the inner message of NO.
2) A low-resourced body = a low-resourced mind (more on this next time).
3) Just because you think it certainly doesn't make it true.
4) Emotions are to be understood, not feared.


Peace and Love to you,
Shanti

P.S. You might be wondering why I share these stories of myself so often. Isn't that a backwards thing for a coach to do? Where's the rah-rah and inspiration?  Well, first of all, coaching isn't about being a blind cheerleader. It's about getting real with the ins and outs, the pushes and pulls, that we're presented with on a regular basis. I see my life experience reflective of and rooted in our shared humanity. If I can't be real with my shenanigans, how can I possibly support you to be real with yours? And somewhere within that I hope it's inspiring. Thanks for being in my world.

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Can You Feel It.... whaaaaa

8/28/2019

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Can you feel it? The change. It's begun (although this week seems to have flopped back).
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I'm already feeling a desire to cozy up on the couch with a good book, let myself linger in bed in the morning, and cook a big pot of veggie stew. Two of the maple trees at the park are turning (pics above) and jeans aren't too far away.

I love this time of year but I'm also pausing in a big way because WHERE’D THE SUMMER GO?!? I feel like I'm just getting started. Two of my boys were reflecting on this as well… now that they're “adulting” (ages 19 and 24), they wonder where the carefree time of summer went.

While this is summer hasn't been filled with big exciting trips or outrageously memorable events (you could say it was the summer of dabbling), it has nevertheless been fulfilling… at least balanced… which is the approach that's becoming more and more important in my life. With my business schedule keeping me busy, if I don't purposefully block time to rest, it all seems to fall apart and I'm not my best self. I'm sure you can relate to overextending yourself then crashing. Before you know it, you're burnt out and good to no one. See my book Everyday Ease: Mindfully Moving From Burnout To Balance for my experience with burnout and why I won't go back there again.

Some of the daily things I do that keep my pendulum from swinging too far in either direction:
  • Morning meditation and quiet time on the porch
  • My commitment to my bike riding goal (718 miles down, 282 to go) = 11.5 miles on an average day
  • Getting up every 32 minutes for a body or breath break
  • Napping 16 to 22 minutes a few times a week (becoming one of my favorites)
  • Long lunch/early dinner as a one hour break late in the afternoon
  • Earth breaks - laying on the grass with Suki and chillaxing
  • In bed by 9:30, often 9:15
  • Connecting with a friend to chat and share my humanity
How do you keep your balance going? Share with me what works for you.

Embracing transitions isn’t always easy but it's made much easier by sticking with the foundations that support you. With the change of season, school starting, and life seeming to pick up the pace even more, it's imminently important to purposefully design your day so you can maintain your energy and focus on what you really want.
And on that note, check out the list of upcoming classes and workshops (I think you'll find Habits Made Easy particularly applicable). Fall is going to be pretty exciting. I hope to see many of you soon!

Peace and Love,
Shanti

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No goblins or gremlins for me, please.

10/30/2017

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There’ll be lots of ghosts and goblins trying to spook you tomorrow for Halloween but what are some of those fears that try to spook you on a regular day?

There are two main energies in this world: Love and Fear. Both of these are extraordinarily strong and powerful energies. Love has you feeling glittery and gleeful like Gilda the Good Witch. Fear, on the other hand, usually brings you through the depths and crevices of the haunted house of your mind. Shiver. With an imagination gone wild, you might be jumping and screaming when in fact there might be nothing there. Most of what we create in our mind actually never happens, yet we believe it to be true and react “as if” nonetheless.
 
A great way to step back and put fear into perspective is to remember it as an acronym.
False  Evidence  Appearing  Real
How can you decipher what’s real and not real? Step back and notice the level of stress and worrisome energy running through your body. Are you hyper focused and narrow or open and expansive? The body never lies.
 
Use this FEAR acronym as you navigate through your spooky days and see how you can use the brightness of Light and Love to awaken what's really there. It’s Ok if the gremlins come knocking… to your house door, not your mind door.

Lots of Peace and Treats to You,
Shanti

Shanti Douglas
Mindfulness & Lovestyle Coach
8limbsHolisticHealth.com

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Sorry, I'm Busy with My Lazy Day

3/22/2016

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Question... Have you ever spent a whole day just doing what you wanted to do? Not what you needed to do or thought your should do but doing only what you wanted to do. The timing of your activities was yours to govern. You didn't live by the clock or someone else's schedule, not even your dog's (sorry Suki). Each moment was filled with a steadiness, an authenticity, to what you wanted. Joy, peace, and inner harmony were the aspirations.

This is what is called a Lazy Day, a practice from my Buddhist tradition that provides unconditional care, honor, and love for self. We rest and rejuvenate, without rushing, guilt, or shame. We offer ourselves this magical gift which in turn allows us to be a more energized and stable member of our community.

Over the past few months I've been incorporating Lazy Days into my regular schedule - every other Sunday and then occasional half days. Typically it's only done once per month, at minimum once per quarter, but I'm finding the benefits are so real that I'm choosing to do more. It's a real gift to address your needs and desires without guilt, to not adhere to the pressure you feel to do "just one more thing". Why do we have such a hard time settling in and just being??

With the busyness of our life, it's easy to lose touch with the heart essence that drives us. Usually what drives us on a given day are the tasks we've laid out to take care of things, not ourselves. Hopefully in there somewhere we have self-care but even this can be laden with "musts' and "shoulds". "Get to the gym / go for that run" ,"Eat this, not that!", "Let me just look at this last email", "What's going on on Facebook?".

Lazy Days are helping me to find my voice again. What part of my authentic self wants to come out and be seen and heard? If I'm busy taking care of business without deeply stopping, I end up feeling it's business as usual. Inspiration, aspirations, freshness and a sense of being alive... how vibrant are these aspects then?

So sitting in bed for 2 hours to enjoy my coffee, feeling the lovely wrap of my blankets around me, and a good book feels really good. Suki looks at me occasionally with "is it time for us to go for our walk yet, Mommy?" and I say "No, not now. I'm happy to let you out but I'm staying right here right now." She understands. I appreciate her patience. And when I move from the bed, it's not on any timetable. In my mind the list of to-do's doesn't exist, there is no agenda for the day, I don't even look at the clock. I listen to my body and my heart to guide me to what's next after being just right here. No guilt, no shame, nothing but pure honesty and love. It's good to have me back.

How about for you? Can you try this practice on, perhaps starting with a half day or even just a few hours? It can be so interesting noticing what arises in your mind, the push and pull of the regular day, how many of your moments are not really yours. Like anything new, it will certainly feel different (if not weird), but experiment and see what you discover. I'd love to hear about your experience and you can easily share with me HERE.

Stay well, peaceful, and happy on your Lazy Day.
Shanti

Shanti Douglas
Mindfulness & Stress Management Coach
Corporate Trainer
8 limbs Holistic Health, LLC


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    Author - Shanti Douglas

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Shanti Douglas: Mindfulness, Optimize, & HeartMath® Certified Trainer and Coach
8 limbs Holistic Health, LLC         603.228.9007         Shanti@8limbsHolisticHealth.com
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