"Peace in Oneself. Peace in the World", a calligraphy from Thich Nhat Hanh, is a t-shirt I wear often. It's a wonderful reminder that our own peace and the world's peace are not mutually exclusive and that a deep interconnected relationship exists between all things. It reminds us to promote peace in all that we do - thoughts, words, actions - so that all beings may live in harmony and grace. At a time where so much war exists, where you can't seem to escape the destructive outputs of violence, it's more important now than ever to bring forth this state of being.
      Peace isn't always easy, though, especially as it needs to begin with ourselves.
     As I've emerged from being a very pain-filled and angry youngster to my present state of wishing nothing more than for every being on Earth to love and care for one another, my path has been anything but easy. Some days are still challenging. With few teachers of right and wrong, no guidance to speak of, I felt lost, confused, and always in search. I went through decades of being unhappy, struggling for it all to stop. Was I always skillful in return? Absolutely not! At times I was aggressive, rude, and very judgmental of others that didn't fit into my version of fancy. . There were many sufferings that needed reconciliation.
     Somewhere in there I knew there had to be more, that peace and love were the light of the world, and that healing was possible. Perhaps it was my Oma sitting quietly in my heart, her example of helping others unconditionally, no matter the consequence, that gave me guidance and hope. Perhaps it was my Leo Lioness foundation, kingdom warrior with the biggest heart, that kept me going. Perhaps it was my attempt to flip the injustices I felt growing up or my depth-of-soul wish to connect with others as I felt too alone for too long. Whatever it was, it's all comes together to continually inspire me to somehow, somehow make this world a better place.
     Peace is a deep practice and entails reconciliation of the heart. There are so many of us struggling needlessly out there. We forget that we are not alone. We forget that we are part of something SO much bigger than ourselves. As we go to war with one another, we've lost touch with the most intimate and precious part of our souls. We need to come back to the heart of the matter; to forgiveness, to kindness, to love and compassion. We need to put down the weapons of fear and instead look into one another's eyes and SEE the other person as being the same as you. I am no different than you are. We are not separate. When we close off, we shut down both sides.
     Somehow find the strength and courage to stay open, to not fight, to simply stand with awareness. Just knowing what's happening can be much more powerful than reacting. It's okay not to agree with everything but let's first stop and develop understanding of what we are not agreeing with.
     Peace in Oneself. Peace in the World. They are not mutually exclusive. If you would like to learn more or need support for your peace practice, please reach out. I am here to help.

With many blessings for peaceful days,
Shanti

Shanti Douglas
Mindfulness & Stress Management Coach
Shanti@8limbsHolisticHealth.com
603.228.9007

     If you haven't had the chance to go berry picking yet this season, I'd really encourage you to. Bumper crops of all kinds! Yum, yum!! Besides the delicious and nutritious anti-oxidants you'll pick up, you might also gather some awareness of life in those berries, at least through the picking process.
     For starters, beginning our search for the ultimate fruity find, we immediately move towards the most potent and plump pickings, having little recognition for those with no present potential. We're here for the harvest, for the ripe goods, after all! Why bother attending to that which does not serve our purpose or goal.
     As we continue our search for the very best, moving quickly from area to area, we refine the parameter of our view. Our body and mind soon adjust to this narrowing, tuning in with internal radar to attract what we are in search of. With a determined eye, we discriminate the landscape around us, negating those berries that do not meet the standard we've set. We are on a mission to fill up, both in bucket and belly. We can already envision those jams, jellies, and pies of all kinds. Yum!!
     Our selection process continues, taking and enjoying what we can (I did say filling that belly) and moving on down the line to the next set of high pleasure plumpness. Gradually the ripe and overflowing berries that we so enthusiastically noticed in the beginning eventually fade from view. We are left with under-developed future possibilities that don’t have a lot of impact right now as the timing of their readiness with our picking schedule is mismatched. Energetically, the newness of picking has worn off and our aim now is to simply fill our bucket. Looking down at our “take”, we assess how much longer it will be. Rote action begins to support us getting the job done, including the drifting of our mind to places other than the present moment; conversations of yesterday, re-living of grievances, or calendaring today’s other events.
     Eventually something catches our eye, though, and we open our awareness to stop and look back at where we were. Woah! Look at all those berries we missed, and ripe ones at that! Seeing where we were, our past, from a different angle gives new insights. With a fresh view, we notice the aliveness that exists where we otherwise thought was picked over and not useful.
     Excitement is re-generated as we start to turn leaves over, bring energy to dig through branches, and investigate within the bramble. "What's in here that I'm not noticing? What nuggets of juiciness are waiting for my attention?" We suddenly realize our prior one-directional view was short-sighted and held us back from a great deal of plump fruit, that we almost missed the essential ingredients that would make our bounty lively and vibrant. Getting stuck on the straight path, we forgot that flavors can be found in every direction and that our best bucket will come from the variety it contains.
     Exploring more fully now, we may notice that, even though there are lots of similarities between berry bushes, there's actually a lot of differences. Some areas are sweeter than others, some more bitter, others looking fantastic but really no flavor or depth when we taste them. Each area has had different conditions offered to it; different levels of sun, rain, shade, and soil. Even those pickers of past have had influence. Just because a berry is visually ripe doesn't always mean substance of flavor and nutrients are there. Exterior can often be deceiving and it’s good to test for yourself before making any decisions. Taste test many for cohesion. It’s the better weigh factor in deciding what's healthy for your individual state.
     And if you’ve been picking next to another, note that what fills another person’s bucket may not fill yours. My bucket will look very different than yours. Pick berries that are compatible with your specific needs, desires, and goals, taking care not to compare or compete. Berries don’t compare themselves to one another so why should you? They just are and all are enjoyed by someone. And skip settling for what's not right just because you want your bucket full. A bucket of sour or tasteless berries doesn't make delicious jams or pies. Be choosy enough to hone what’s good for you. It’s your berry. YOU pick it!!

Sending lots of peace and joy. Happy Picking!!
Shanti

Shanti Douglas
Mindfulness & Stress Management Coach
Shanti@8limbsHolisticHealth.com
603.228.9007

How do we care for another in relationship? It’s really easy in the beginning - we’re attentive, inviting, curious, and excited. We see each others' nuances as gifts of uniqueness. Our view seeks pleasure and compatibility, noticing where we might fit in and all the things that connect. Interest permeates most communication, even as unspoken words and secret glances. Facial expressions are assayed, soon becoming landmarks of knowing.

Time creates comfort and gentle habits begin to form. Sometimes it doesn’t take long - a few months perhaps - as we gain a sense of joining. There’s togetherness in even the most basic of routines, like who will make the morning coffee or prepare dinner.

Care must be drawn as the familiar rises, however, ensuring that we don’t assume the needs or behaviors of the other. We still need to ask. We still need to clarify. Expression of self is even more important now that the honeymoon fluff is receding. There’s a real you and a real me. The mist of newness and excitement slowly dissipates with relational truth beginning to reveal itself. There is no miracle time at which takes place. It’s really just a reflection of the natural and wondrous transition to deeper connection and togetherness.

The particulate is shaped in how we transform that which attracted to remain in highest esteem. It also is shaped by our ability and willingness to express unwholesome and uncomfortable aspects which have risen in relationship. Holding back or lashing out are destructive. Peacefully exploring awarenesses of difficulties and preferences, communicating in a manner that maintains respect and safety for both, is something we are not accustomed to doing. The tools are often difficult to locate and must be sought after. It also involves a lot of risk, which some are not prepared for or desirous to pursue. Options may be many but too often the thought arises “better to leave than to deal”.

Expressing needs, identifying feelings, being heard, sharing with no judgment and only from our experience...there are few life classes for this. The rewards are innumerable, however, and can’t be matched by any standard or happiness scale. When we are able to care for and be cared for in relationship, the world seems like a different place. It’s filled with possibility, not just for the two, but for the many lives that are touched as the energy of joy is brought forward. Being able to maintain respect and honor, there is love...or at least the potential.

Peace,
Shanti

Shanti Douglas
Mindfulness & Stress Management Coach
Shanti@8limbsHolisticHealth.com
603.228.9007

     I recently spoke at the NH Conference on Aging, What's Happening?? It's All Changing!!, and thought I'd share a few talking points. I don't think it matters if we are 90 and facing end of life changes or 9 and wondering what life will bring, we all find challenges in navigating the impermanent roots of everyday living.
     Our challenge with change is our sense of lack of control, especially if that change is initiated outside of us. Something is happening to us. We didn't choose it and it's happening anyways! This could be anything - health concerns, a new job responsibility, a teenager being a teenager, a tax that impacts our income, a schedule that won't quit. In response, emotions such as anxiety, frustration, resistance, anger, overwhelm, and worry appear. Not knowing what outcome change with create, we draw a defensive position, on guard and suspicious. Far from our process is trust, allowance, or embracing what is. Instead of responding with curiosity and openness to the possibilities inherent in change, we push back against the unknown and just want things to be as they are. We want to stay comfortable, even if what is comfortable is something we don't like. At least we know what it feels like. Think of a stagnated marriage or frustrations you have with your job or the economy.
     In actuality, though, we do have control...because we have choice. We can choose what to think, how to speak, how to engage, and what our next action steps will be. No one else is doing that for us, unless we've turned into a robot. Above all, we can choose our view. Perception guides all that we see. Like the red car syndrome, we find what we look for.  
     As we move about our day, we categorize our experiences as good or bad, like or dislike. Built from past experience and honored belief systems, this categorization helps us navigate the constant influx of information. It adds a convenience factor to our life, simplifying the range of things we look at and narrowing the scope of what receives our attention.
     This narrow and restrictive view, however, allows little room for things to show up as they are, without our slanted perception. We're so busy creating judgments of like or dislike that we don't step back to see what's really there, to make a healthy assessment, to reflect what's true for us in this moment, and to offer ourselves the chance to respond in newness.
     Change is taking place all the time and we are part of that change. Why not let ourselves get unstuck and explore with possibility? How would life unfold if we let it take shape more naturally without trying to control it all, even if it's just a conversation with our teen? 
     I understand the safety feature behind our urge to control, but reflect on how our assumptions about people or events influence how we approach them and what expectation we have of outcome (hint...red car, red car). Instead of defending ourselves against change, what would it look like if we participated with an attitude of play or curiosity, a "don't know" mind. If we let go of the fear and instead let the situation flow, we'd be in a much better place to make decisions that resonate with our heart and what we really wish for.
     The question then... how to switch our perception so we are in control of our experience? When a trigger situation arises, check in and recognize without judgment what is true for you in that moment - what emotions are present, where your thoughts are, how your body is responding, what story you're creating. Purposefully slow down, breathe to settle, and acknowledge your true core feelings and what you are really seeking. They may not be what you think they are. Anger is often a mask for fear or sadness, sarcasm and judgment a squelched desire to be loved or included. And see the situation as just that - a situation, a compilation of causes and conditions. It's not personal to you... it's just the movement of life.
     With heart-felt, judge-less honesty of what you are feeling, embrace your awareness of this as a gift, a gift which will help you to make the right, or better, decision for what is needed. Grounded and solid in your truth, you won't need to sway anyone else to agree with you or see things the same way. Other people's perception are different and that's OK. When we are solid in what's true for us, without our stressed emotions taking over, we are clear versus unskillful. In this way, flow, grace, and ease become partners with positive and proactive change.
     Take a few moments now to reflect on what you've resisted today. Step back, notice your reactions, and see if things might have shifted differently if you had been able to slow down and gain insight to your truth before engaging. Do this often. These little stopping points throughout your day can have a huge impact on your life.
     The invitation: bring in a sense of ease to any moment of change. Shift your perception to one of openness and curiosity. See what amazing things may show up. Enjoy!!

With many blessings for peaceful days,
Shanti

Shanti Douglas
Mindfulness & Stress Management Coach
Shanti@8limbsHolisticHealth.com
603.228.9007

     With all this snow eventually comes melting (what would New England be without mud season). Well, my hope is that the pervasive mud will mean enriching transformation. "What?" you may ask. Simply put, No Mud, No Lotus.
     The past few months we've been talking about listening to our heart-centered desires and transforming our harsher, deep rooted habit energies into positive pathways. Winter is the perfect time to gently stir this inner pot as the hibernating days offer much time for reflection and inward connection. For you, what rose to the surface with a desire for improvement, reconciliation, or shift? More genuine and genrous relationships, healthier lifestyle and better self-care, patience, right livelihood,... perhaps it became the focus of your new year resolution or a daily mantra of awareness.
     Working with our habit energies can be challenging because 1) they are fairly well engrained and often unconscious 2) we tend to beat ourselves up whenever we find that we've engaged them again, seeing ourselves as bad or wrong, and 3) this berating of self weakens the personal power and strength which are needed to enact change.
     What would the view of ourselves and our change process be, however, if we instead saw our habit energies as the perfect mud conditions for blooming lotus? If you know anything about lotus flowers, you know that the more intense and nutrient-rich the mud, the more vibrant and brilliant the lotus. Transforming a habit energy that has entrenched our life with negativity opens up 1000's of possibilities for light and love. Amazing things rise from the compost of our pain and suffering. Recall stories of people overcoming disasters and deep despair who turn to create a foundation or charity, or become an inspiration of strength and courage for others.
     We need mud to have lotus. Suffering must exist for happiness to exist. You can not have one without the other. They are both needed, just like the two sides of a piece of paper. You can not have one side without the other. They inter-are.
     As you approach Spring and the blossoms of life that begin to bud inside, look kindly and lovingly at the mud that's been with you over the winter. Appreciate the gift of awareness and the intimacy you may have with the habit energies that seek transformation. Embrace it all. If nothing else, your mud is the sprouting ground of that which you no longer wish to have in your life. Knowing what you don't want often points you directly to what you do want. And for stepping stones out of the mud, connect with me for additional supports or begin with a Mindfulness & Meditation class to help maintain focus, balance, and awareness of self.

May all your blooms shine bright!! Peace and Many Blessings!
Shanti

Shanti Douglas
Mindfulness & Stress Management Coach
Shanti@8limbsHolisticHealth.com
603.228.9007

As always, I’d love your feedback, comments, and insights on what has been shared. Feel free to give me a shout or leave a message!!

Today, some serious questions.

     How much of your life do you spend in the “should’s”, living the beliefs systems that didn’t even originate with you? How does your perception of right and wrong guide your life when, in fact, nothing is truly right or wrong and perception is a mountain of mirrored deceptions. Can you see instead that life is made up of tiny decisions made along the way and that outcome is a result of the conditions that are ripe and available in the moment of choice?
     As I get older and likewise those around me, I often see a junction point... a place where we turn around and reflect or ask:
“Have I done what I came here to do?”
“If only THAT didn’t happen then THIS would have been possible!”
“Where am I supposed to go from here? I need XYZ to make me happy / support me / pay the bills.”
“How did I land in this place or situation and what does that mean for me in getting out?”

     Looking at our life as chronologically half over, there’s a “AHHH” moment that sort of slaps you in the face. A little panic button gets pushed as you hear the clock ticking, eyes searching around for what to do to make the rest the best. I finally understand that “mid-life crisis” that I saw “older” folks going through when I was in my twenties. I don’t like that term “crisis”, though. It can set you into a panic mode, although the starkness of my questions above do reflect a bit of anxiety... please forgive me.
     Stepping back in the choice of perception about this stage in my life, I prefer instead to see it as a wonderful opportunity to cut through the beliefs I held of what I was “supposed to do” and instead turn inside to what speaks to and honors me. With a diligent and healthy view, and lots of work to release crippling bonds to past conditioning, truly living my life may finally be mine.
     I’ve had the kids, I’ve had the work-dedicated corporate life, I’ve had the marriage and the dream house.... all those things that were supposed to make me happy and provide a fulfilling life. The kids are great so I’ll keep them, of course. The rest, not so much.  All of this is not meant as a negation or degradation of prior life but more of an awakening to the potential that exists now. With the kids grown/growing and the house established, there’s a freedom that wasn’t possible before.
     And even as I say that, I know it’s all a mental perception. It’s my choice in how I see myself and the world. Each moment I have the choice to live fully. I don't need to travel to far away places to do that. I’m not looking to escape. My desire to see new and adventurous things is just that - to experience things I’ve not experienced and to allow myself to freely adventure in ways that I wouldn’t allow myself before. The self-inflicted restrictions may have been from fear of the unknown, lack of confidence, lack of direction, too much comfort in my zone, no one to do them with, or just being tired from so much responsible “doing”.
                                                 So how do I make the next bunch of years the best ever?
     Having no regrets when I die is important. Right now there would be several. I know this sounds so bleak (and not to worry, I am healthy as I know) but sometimes you just have to think in drastic and dramatic terms. It helps wake you up.
     Lately I’ve had a lot friends and relatives going through extraordinary life events. I guess they are actually just life events but since these folks are close to me, their realities are more touching. Several completely unexpected deaths of parents, a life-changing injury for a young and vibrant man, several divorces, and long-term relationship breakdowns.
     Stepping back to get a bigger perspective, I see the value of each of these life events. They’ve created closeness that was challenging before, open and heart-based conversation, new community, and outpourings of love and gratitude. And I also see the continuum of life and how it unfolds in ways that we never expected.
     We can set our path strong and determined but it often just shows up the way it will show up. We can’t define what will happen. We can paint white stripes but can’t expect that we won’t veer across them. Each road we take brings us somewhere new and, while we may be able to see a little ways down the road, we really don’t know where it’s going. You see, we’ve never been there before. Each road is different. It’s all unchartered.
     When we drive, we have lots of options. We can stop, turn around, go left, go right... When we live fast or are on Should St or Belief Blvd, though, it’s much more difficult to stop and choose. Our GPS is on auto-pilot and doesn’t account for the fact that road conditions change along the way. Our destination is simply punched in.

     When we hit the half way point and finally stop for gas, we take a breath, look around and wonder where the heck we are. None of this is familiar and certainly doesn’t match our intended destination. “I should have been Here by now. Why am I still on this road...and I’m not even sure I want to be on this road. Is this the right road?!?!” So we stop and rest, trying not to panic, trying to let go of the anxiety we feel that we totally messed up and wasted all that time and effort driving. Perhaps we shed a few tears, writhe on the ground in frustration, throw away the (insert expletive) GPS, and hope that we can find our way.
     Trying to figure out what to do with the time we have left, how to make it the most valuable and joyous, from my perspective, comes from getting out of the car and simply walking. We walk each step with awareness, insight, patience, and love... love for ourselves and all the gifts we were offered during the initial part of the journey, even the turns that veered us off course (since now we know which way we don’t want to go!)  We slow down to listen, to reflect, to hear that inner voice that’s been calling us all along, the voice that got drowned out with all the should’s and belief systems.
     Living each step, always checking in, brings purpose and presence to what we are doing. We can notice where we get jammed up in perceptual and sensory habits and then work to let them go. While we don’t know exactly where life will lead, that’s OK. Being more aware of each step that we take right now creates a Path of Consciousness. It will be our road with a clearer view and fewer detours. And none of this means that it will all be sweet, fancy, or feel good all the time. It just means that we need to show up for our life, to live as completely as we can, from the Heart.
     So make and fulfill the bucket list: see parts of the world yet unexplored, go sky diving, hike the mountain range, pick wine grapes, go to Bali, volunteer for a month with Habitat for Humanity, start a volunteer organization, write that book. Do whatever your heart calls you to. And make sure to stay out of your head and the should’s it produces. Thank the mind for the reminder of how things used to be but then travel back to your essence and what your heart is showing you. Love as much as you can!! Let your bumper sticker say FEARLESS - my personal word for truly living life!!! And cherish each of the moments we are offered.
     Let’s explore this together. What are your thoughts, views, experiences, challenge and choice points? Share here or in private. None of us is doing this alone. Why make it seems like we are?

In Gratitude,
Shanti

Shanti Douglas
Mindfulness & Stress Management Coach
Shanti@8limbsHolisticHealth.com
603.228.9007