After finishing my 10 month Optimize Coaching program in December, I was on fire. My confidence was huge, I was feeling courageous, I was putting myself out there in ways I haven't done in a while (which felt really good), and my creative juices were flowing.
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Getting through the weird mid-week holidays and into January, this awesomeness continued. And then I faced something I didn't want to do but previously committed myself to. Even though I was getting a huge nag to change the committed plan, I stuck with it… but it cost me a lot of energy and willpower and totally took me out of flow. And then I got sick, really sick. Laid up in bed for with the flu for five days, recovery still slowly lingering.

During the time that I was sick, there was no energy available to entertain my mind. It was all I could do to maintain awareness of my body, supporting its healing. So I have to smile that the mend begins when the mind comes in… although that is really quite the opposite of what happened. 

Instead of my mind being my champion, it was the most disruptive unhealthy part of me. It was like the gremlins got together while I was “unconscious” for so many days and decided to attack when things started to get better. Every nook and cranny of how bad and wrong and insignificant and unworthy of greatness I might be was busting out at the seams. The flu was nasty enough but this mindset? How can I be doing this to myself? I'm in the practice of self-love, self-care, and self compassion. Where was it for me?

Of course I didn't have the energy to fight with my mind. It was hard enough trying to walk up and down the stairs. So here I was, face-to-face with the Gremlins of Dark. What to do?

Since I was already laying down, it was natural just to have my gremlins lay down next to me. What are you really trying to say to me? What's your real message? Hopefully somewhere in there you're trying to inspire me… what insights can I draw from your criticisms? What are you hoping that I'll do differently in my life? And who invited you into this room, anyways? Do I want you here? Do I need you here? 

It's easy to get lost in the fear mind, in the old tapes we play, the ones that have been playing for decades about how we're not as good as we think we are and we'll never make it the way we really want to make it. Even after decades of work, we might ask ourselves "is any of that true?"

Laying there with my fear, it was true… from my fear’s perspective. But it wasn't true from my heart’s perspective.

My heart is deeply and directly connected to my basic goodness and the all the ways I want to make this world a better and more loving place. I have so much to offer and, while I’m not always showing up as fully as I’d like, I'm working on it. Every day I head a little bit more in that direction. I help people through my coaching practice, supporting others to connect with their possibilities and worthiness. I share a lot of skills with business organizations throughout the world, helping team members have a little bit more ease and balance in their jam-packed days. And I provide a safe place for people to share themselves, to be seen and heard.

All I can give to my life is a chance, to optimize as best I can every moment that I'm given. Am I 100% “on” all the time? Absolutely not. But identifying more “on” than “off” and celebrating that keeps the spiral moving upward. Sure, the gremlins are going to be right there but maybe they'll be a little bit quieter if they can lay down next me instead of screaming in my face.

Reminders and learnings? Plenty:
1) Honor the inner message of NO.
2) A low-resourced body = a low-resourced mind (more on this next time).
3) Just because you think it certainly doesn't make it true.
4) Emotions are to be understood, not feared.

Peace and Love to you,
Shanti

P.S. You might be wondering why I share these stories of myself so often. Isn't that a backwards thing for a coach to do? Where's the rah-rah and inspiration?  Well, first of all, coaching isn't about being a blind cheerleader. It's about getting real with the ins and outs, the pushes and pulls, that we're presented with on a regular basis. I see my life experience reflective of and rooted in our shared humanity. If I can't be real with my shenanigans, how can I possibly support you to be real with yours? And somewhere within that I hope it's inspiring. Thanks for being in my world.

I hate to ask you to do this since I prefer to lead with the positive, but this is important. As you go about your day today, notice the things you are doing that bring you no joy, that frustrate you, that you avoid with a passion, and that create lots of grumbling under or above your breath. Basically, these things are no fun at all and, if you had your way, you'd never do them again. Ever.

So why are you doing them?

Oh my gosh, I just heard some "should's" and "have to's" with a list of rationalization and reasoning behind it. "No one else can do it like I can." "It's part of my job." "That's just the way it is (defeated sigh)." "It's quicker and easier if I just do it."

Hmmmmmm.....  So let's step back for a moment.

Let's get curious about the energy you're bringing to these things? What does it feel like in your body when you do these things... tense, tight, constricted, closed down, shut off? What about your mind... hate, despair, heaviness, regret, pain, suffering, resistance? Do you feel like ripping someone's head off, screaming out loud, throwing something, or perhaps crawling into a ball with your favorite teddy bear or laying on the floor lifeless with a blank stare?

Yes, I know these reactions might seem a bit extreme but I can guarantee that you've been there at one time or another. I know I'm raising my hand. None of it feels good.

When you do these things with this energy and mind set, are you doing the job well? No, probably not. What level of service are you offering? Probably pretty crappy since there's no love (or even like) involved. So why are we still doing it and why do we feel trapped by our thinking that we are the only ones that have to do this certain thing? Where is the balance? How broad do you want your shoulders to be? How much weight can you really carry?

I'm challenging you - let the stuff that you hate to do go!

And while I'm not saying that the task doesn't need to be taken care of, there are other ways and people that can do it... maybe not as well at your level or in the same way but they can get it done. Perhaps a system of shared responsibility needs to begin so that you are not doing it all and feeling burdened by things that are actually owned by or the responsibility of someone else.

For instance, how old are your kids? Who wears their clothes? Who's doing the laundry? Who's responsibility is it when they need their clean baseball jersey for their game tomorrow and it's 9:30 at night? What level of frustration rises in you? Yes, you can lecture them that they "should have...." (which never feels good for anyone) but then, what actions are taken? Who's gathering the clothes and staying up late to make sure they are washed and ready to go the next day? Hmmmmmm.....

Or how about that report at work that you dread doing every week, that you put off until the absolute last minute, where your only focus is getting it off your desk and not the possibilities that exist in the data. Who says you are the only one that can do it? What opportunities exist for growth and development of other team members, for process streamlining, or data systematization? I'm hearing a lot of "No, it won't work" "We've tried that" talk being said right now but I invite you to gather the troops and figure out a better and different way.

And for those times where it is impossible (at least right now) for change to take place, the only other choice for your sanity and sense of freedom is to change the way you look at it. If you can't leave it, then love it. Find something empowering about the project or task, even if it's the mindset that you have control over it. It is not controlling your thoughts, emotions, or the quality of your day. Do whatever needs to get done, stop complaining, be done with it, and then move on to the next greatest thing in your life. End of story. Period.

I work with people all the time in my coaching practice who have had enough. Unfortunately many times it's come to the point of receiving a diagnosis or medication, a divorce, career change, or other life changing event. I want to encourage you not to wait. It is possible to ask for what you need and to do it in a way that maintains honor of self and others.

Personal empowerment is the way that we come to love our life in every moment, even those moments that we'd prefer not to have in front of us. We are the ones that dictate the amount of joy or suffering in our experience. Let's be the Master of Me!

Wishing you lots of Peace and Love,
Shanti

Shanti Douglas
Mindfulness & Lovestyle Coach

Question... Have you ever spent a whole day just doing what you wanted to do? Not what you needed to do or thought your should do but doing only what you wanted to do. The timing of your activities was yours to govern. You didn't live by the clock or someone else's schedule, not even your dog's (sorry Suki). Each moment was filled with a steadiness, an authenticity, to what you wanted. Joy, peace, and inner harmony were the aspirations.

This is what is called a Lazy Day, a practice from my Buddhist tradition that provides unconditional care, honor, and love for self. We rest and rejuvenate, without rushing, guilt, or shame. We offer ourselves this magical gift which in turn allows us to be a more energized and stable member of our community.

Over the past few months I've been incorporating Lazy Days into my regular schedule - every other Sunday and then occasional half days. Typically it's only done once per month, at minimum once per quarter, but I'm finding the benefits are so real that I'm choosing to do more. It's a real gift to address your needs and desires without guilt, to not adhere to the pressure you feel to do "just one more thing". Why do we have such a hard time settling in and just being??

With the busyness of our life, it's easy to lose touch with the heart essence that drives us. Usually what drives us on a given day are the tasks we've laid out to take care of things, not ourselves. Hopefully in there somewhere we have self-care but even this can be laden with "musts' and "shoulds". "Get to the gym / go for that run" ,"Eat this, not that!", "Let me just look at this last email", "What's going on on Facebook?".

Lazy Days are helping me to find my voice again. What part of my authentic self wants to come out and be seen and heard? If I'm busy taking care of business without deeply stopping, I end up feeling it's business as usual. Inspiration, aspirations, freshness and a sense of being alive... how vibrant are these aspects then?

So sitting in bed for 2 hours to enjoy my coffee, feeling the lovely wrap of my blankets around me, and a good book feels really good. Suki looks at me occasionally with "is it time for us to go for our walk yet, Mommy?" and I say "No, not now. I'm happy to let you out but I'm staying right here right now." She understands. I appreciate her patience. And when I move from the bed, it's not on any timetable. In my mind the list of to-do's doesn't exist, there is no agenda for the day, I don't even look at the clock. I listen to my body and my heart to guide me to what's next after being just right here. No guilt, no shame, nothing but pure honesty and love. It's good to have me back.

How about for you? Can you try this practice on, perhaps starting with a half day or even just a few hours? It can be so interesting noticing what arises in your mind, the push and pull of the regular day, how many of your moments are not really yours. Like anything new, it will certainly feel different (if not weird), but experiment and see what you discover. I'd love to hear about your experience and you can easily share with me HERE.

Stay well, peaceful, and happy on your Lazy Day.
Shanti

Shanti Douglas
Mindfulness & Stress Management Coach
Corporate Trainer
8 limbs Holistic Health, LLC

     When on retreat at the monastery, we live as a community. Each of us works in groups doing small jobs that, when summed together, help support the function of the larger whole. In the Plum Village tradition these jobs are called working meditation. Working is a meditation because, when we attend to it, we attend to it fully. It is a way to practice mindfulness, bringing honor and respect to the work as a reflection of our care for the larger community.
     During this past retreat, my groups was on dish washing duty - making sure that the dish washing area was set up so that retreatants could wash their dishes after eating. There were four tables set up for this, each one with four buckets of water - one warm and soapy and three for progressive rinsing. Since it was spread over a large area of the grounds, the hose from the main building was not able to reach the fourth table.
     On one particular day there was a gap in the schedule between the end of the Dharma talk and walking meditation. While waiting for walking meditation to begin, I noticed that a fellow working meditator was beginning to fill the washing buckets at Table 1. I gladly went over to help and, knowing that the hose didn't reach Table 4, brought those empty buckets over to be filled. With so much sitting and being out of my daily exercise routine, I was looking forward to moving some muscles by carrying the full buckets of water back to Table 4. And I wasn't concerned that the water would get cool while we did walking meditation before lunch since the dish washing area was in full sun and it had been a consistent sunny, 90+ hot and humid for days.
     I was so happy waiting for the buckets to be filled, standing and watching my breath and feeling the not-yet-blistering sun. While standing, a Sister came over and began rearranging the extra empty buckets I had brought over from Table 4. When I told her what I was doing, she looked at me and told me that it was OK and to put them back. I reassured her it was no problem for me to bring the full buckets over to Table 4 and that I was just helping out before walking meditation. She again requested, with the sweet insistence that only a monastic can, to bring the empty buckets to Table 4 and that "we will move full buckets from Table 3 and, in that way, will conserve our energy".

                                            I felt like I was hit with a sharp dart... pang... deflated.

     Even though her words were encouraging and I knew she was just being thoughtful in looking out for my welfare, my inner child was deeply touched. I felt taken aback, not quite reprimanded, but hurt in a very soft and tender place.
     After returning the empty buckets to Table 4 and with the Sister's encouragement, I quietly walked over to where walking meditation was starting. Tears began to well in my eyes and my throat was so closed that I couldn't join in singing the walking gatha songs. I knew there was so much more to this simple interaction and held on desperately within myself to find what that was. I didn't want to start balling but did let the tears come. I had no fear about doing this, knowing that the monastery is a safe place to be as you are and to be held by the larger community. Searching for the next best step, I invited my inner child to hold my hand as I walked with the group of 200 others, allowed gentle tears to caress my face as I took one step... one step... one step.
     Breathing into my body and feeling it relax a bit, I let myself settle and see what was there. The sister was right and hers was a genuine concern, especially as the weather had been so hot the past few days. I quietly thanked her. More breath. "I wanted to help, though." said my inner child's voice. "Was I not needed? Did I not belong?" More breath as I held my pain with gentle awareness and glad for the gift of being able to touch these tender seeds. I held myself like a mother holds a hurt child, not seeking answers but just being there to comfort the pain and for the child to be seen. It was a very old pain.
     I continued to walk to rest of that meditation with my inner child in one hand and Thay, my Oma, and all my other guides and supports in the other. It was very nurturing and, in the end, brought me to ask myself, like the buckets of water, what things in my life am I carrying that I don't need to? Might there be an easier and less strenuous way to arrive at the same, if not better, results? Conversely, what am I not putting effort into that could use the attention and how can I best divert resources to something that is more meaningful? Basically, where am I mismanaging my energies and how does that play out in my life?
     As I've come back home off retreat, I'm taking a look around at where and how I am spending my time. As someone in the support services, it's easy to get lost doing things that you think will be of benefit or over- extending your services beyond the Oxygen Mask (i.e. taking care of yourself). Balance in all segments of life is the Middle Way and one that creates freedom alongside diligent effort. It's certainly a practice for me and, in the meantime, I continue to have gratitude to the Sister for bringing it to my attention once again.
     So what about you? Where do you find that you are wasting efforts, energy, or time? How does that impact your life and how you care for yourself? If you could change or improve one thing as this season of change is upon us, what would that be? Share with me if you'd like. I'd love to hear your inspiration for transition.

Love and peace to you!
Shanti

Shanti Douglas
Mindfulness & Stress Management Coach
Eden Energy Medicine Certified Practitioner
8 limbs Holistic Health, LLC

     “The Miracle of Mindfulness”… the miracle of showing up for your life as it is right now… noticing what’s there… in all of it’s many forms… with deep awareness and acceptance.
     You hear me say (or write) variations of this quite frequently but what is mindfulness really? While there are thousands of studies quantifying the beneficial impacts that mindfulness has on the physical and mental body, work productivity, concentration, relationships of all kinds, and overall health, and while we cognitively understand mindfulness to be present to this moment, again, what is it really?
     Stepping away from the view that it is a tool that will help us achieve greater goodness, we must, if we are to truly understand mindfulness, realize first and foremost that it’s an embodied practice. It is a state of being, not a performance enhancement too or a therapeutic technique.
     Recently I spent six days at Blue Cliff Monastery in New York with 400+ practitioners living as many moments as we were able to in mindfulness. I say “as many as” since, no matter the strength of our practice, there seems to be an ebb and flow in and out of this practice of presence. “The Miracle of Mindfulness” was the retreat’s theme, celebrating the publication of this titled book by my teacher and Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh 40 years earlier. Out of the 400 retreatants, about one-third were brand new to a retreat in the Plum Village tradition, a tradition which emphasizes integrating mindfulness into everyday normal activities and occurrences. Each moment of life is an opportunity and a gift so why not show up and be more fully aware of them?
     The retreat day begins and ends in silence - an opportunity to connect with the voice inside - and in between we are fed with nurturing practices such as mindful meals, sitting and walking meditation, working meditation, Dharma talks (teachings), and sharing from the heart. Each step along the way is an opportunity to recognize our wholesome and unwholesome mental formations (ideas, thoughts, judgments, labels), i.e. discursions that typically hold us back from an open view of possibility. As we mostly seeking to control and reformulate our surroundings, there’s a continual backdrop of mind chatter that works to unconsciously sort and categorize our experiences, pulling or pushing our mental and physical resources into all sorts of directions in an attempt to make life more to our liking. In the retreat setting we are gifted with a slower pace, making it easier to notice this habituated mind activity and to create attitudes of openness and curiosity, awakening us to the many details we miss as we busily go about our day. We have an opportunity to notice our thoughts, feelings, emotions, and sensations of all kinds, all aspects of ourselves that are lost in the commotion of mind and body multitasking.
     There is so much depth to the simplest of things - drinking tea or coffee, walking, bathing, picking up things, noticing a landscape, eating chocolate. How is your moment of life when you are sipping your tea in the bright sunshine? Noticing… what responsibilities are weighing heavily on your shoulders and in between your "should" blades? Can we soften our body just a smidgen and return to the tangy flavor of our tea, drinking in the refreshing elements of Nature in the tea leaves and rain clouds? How are we now?
     Each time we let ourselves open to experience what is in front of us, we capture a part of ourselves that we would otherwise have missed. We get to know what’s underneath and behind the busyness that has become our habit and, for that wonderful moment, notice the Self that is noticing the self. As we bring more and more awareness to ourselves and our experience, even if it contains pain or uncomfortableness, we can begin the journey of taking care of our true selves (behind the roles and ego) more fully. This awareness of self is the first step in healing the pains and points of suffering. From this place, understanding and then reconciliation may arrive. In this way, mindfulness is a miracle for, with the simplest of attention, we can gift ourselves the preciousness of our life.
     So try this on. For a few minutes right now, stop what you are doing and bring awareness to your breathing. You’ve been doing it all day long and it’s been supporting every action you’ve taken. As you pay attention to it, don’t do anything different to it - just leave it as it is. Now also sense your body with the breath, noticing the subtle movements of it as you breathe in and out. Staying here for a few minutes, let everything else settle down - your mind, your thoughts, your to-do’s. The only thing to do in this moment is to pay attention to yourself, breathing. Stay here and rest. Open to being and breathing. What’s there that you may have missed before? What miracle of mindfulness is yours?

Love and peace to you!
Shanti

Shanti Douglas
Mindfulness & Stress Management Coach
Eden Energy Medicine Certified Practitioner
8 limbs Holistic Health, LLC

     Happy September!!! I can't believe it's already a week into it. I'm not quite sure where the summer went but I think that's a pretty typical reaction. After this week of heat I'm happy to have Fall arrive - my favorite season. The air gets crisp, fresh apples arrive, and jeans are an option during the day. Those first few weeks of being able to wear them without feeling like they're glued on is amazing...and flannel. Gotta love the flannel. OK, can you tell I'm getting into a very happy state here as I dream on and on about Fall?
     One of the other things that comes with Fall is the energy of moving inward. It's the season where we begin to harvest what we've been growing over the past few months. It's also an opportunity to make any necessary changes before winter hits. Emotionally, relationally, physically...what do we envision will provide the most abundant and healthy nutrition and what do we need to do now to access that? Fall is a perfect time for change, for detoxing, for bringing in more elements if that is needed.
     So many of my friends are going through changes right now - lots of divorces, unemployment and careers shifts, and significant health issues. None of these changes seem small anymore. The stage of infancy has passed and they are at big junction points. While none of my friends are in complete joy over their situation, they do seem to be embracing this time. Each one will be stronger for their situation and will come into "their own" after this. Their changes and challenges are tough but each one of them is meeting it head on with acceptance, strength, and love. Beyond my compassion, I'm excited for their new prospects and what might evolve for them.
     For me, I'm doing the same. I'm fortunate enough in this moment to not have big life changes but I'm still in process. My shifting is of a lesser magnitude but it's still there, brewing underneath. One of the observation I've had recently was that my vibrational level was much lower than I would like. That might sound strange but different states of being carry different energy frequencies (see David Hawkins' book Power vs. Force for more on this). Love is a high frequency and hate is a low frequency. I've been attracting things that weren't for my highest good so, as of my recent Continuation Day, I've decided that I'm going to be my best client. Yes, sometimes I do fall off my wagon and not always follow my own advice. It's just me being human and also a great way to affirm how to get back on track. We all ebb and flow and what better tool to share in my work with others than my own experience. It's all I can really ever share anyways.
     So, as summer starts to close, take in the harvest of your highest and best self. Fall is the perfect time for personal reorganization and reaffirmation, finding the supports that nurture whatever you need. There's still time to add lots of goodness to the mix so don't be afraid or shy to grab what you need.

Peace and LOTS of joy in Being.
Shanti

Shanti Douglas
Mindfulness & Stress Management Coach
Eden Energy Medicine Certified Practitioner
8 limbs Holistic Health, LLC

     This past weekend I spent Saturday a most wonderful Day of Mindfulness at Rose Apple in VT and, as it always seems to be, the Dharma talk was perfect and felt like it was directed right at me. Brother Zohar shared insights about time... actual time and storyline time.
     Actual time is a fact. It's contained fully in the present moment. It doesn't direct us in any way and, with its simplified self, moves along at a consistent and measurable pace. Storyline time, on the other hand, is directly connected to the story of us and the forward motion that most of us have in our approach to life. It's the back story of why we rush through things, task master the objects in front of us, and seek to gain control of our experience. We're moving forward out of this ever-present moment into anticipation of the next moment, spending little time here and now.
     Storyline time prevails when we are searching for joy and happiness outside of this moment. We think that it is somewhere else. There may be an uncomfortableness here and now, an aspect of grief or sadness, an emotion of dissatisfaction that is searching for harmony. Instead of residing in the Now to reconcile that, we unconsciously search for this freedom in the next moment, feeding a habit of striving that leaves us even more unfulfilled.
     Take a look at how you receive each moment of the day. From observation of my own experience, I feel like I'm under an invisible time pressure much of the day. Even though I'm great at calendaring and leaving space, there's still an essence of this push to get things done and onto the next. As a business owner, there are many details that I need to attend to and that involve planning future events in order to maintain a consistent level of business activity.
     The continual calendaring of my day, however, brings about a momentum of moving from one activity to the other that can be challenging to stop. The dribble of  "after I get these things done..." is a common quote I can replay over and over in my mind when it's time to settle down and really take a break, to stop the locomotion of doing and let go into pure being, a being that goes well beyond the body stopping. The result is a relationship to time that can be scattered, shattered, and multidirectional with an element of dissatisfaction to what is right now. And underneath this striving can be a level of fear, unworthiness, agitation, and a general sense of joylessness.
     This isn't to say that planning and taking care of things isn't important but it begs me to notice how much time and mental effort is spent in the subtle search for happiness. Even with an active mindfulness practice, staying here and not escaping into Doing can be challenging. Fortunately my teacher Thich Nhat Hanh so eloquently reminds me with this quote above which is so true. Stopping to be right here, it is possible to live happily in each moment and still get things done. It all rests on the attention and intention I am placing in the moment, reverting from getting caught up in my own story and the master manipulation of my experience.
     Time is as it is. All the rest is just a mental construct. Time is something that we can't get back, no matter how much we try. As I continue to age, this becomes more prevalent in my consciousness. Perhaps this has added to my sense of rushing. I seek to have so much peace, love, and harmony in my life and, instead of seeing that it's right here right now, I am being pulled by my habit energies to seek it out. Look, look, though! In the mirror resides all that I need and, when this is my footing, I can walk safely into whatever arrives next.
     Yup, and that's why we call it  "practice". Simple but certainly not easy!

Peace,
Shanti

Shanti Douglas
Mindfulness & Stress Management Coach
Eden Energy Medicine Certified Practitioner
8 limbs Holistic Health, LLC