Have you ever found yourself whining and stomping your feet, feeling bad for yourself about something in your life? "Whah… it’s not going my way. It’s not showing up. It’s not turning out right.” I’m sure you have. We all have. We easily and without hesitation list the 10,000 reasons why, sitting in our stew of what’s wrong. Hmp!

This isn’t to belittle our feelings of frustration to where our situation is at the moment. Instead, it’s a request to regain control of our experience and bring us a place of empowerment, not victimhood. Yes, striking words perhaps but everyday I live in my world more and more where I realize I have serious control over my experiences and how I meet and greet the world.

Last night, in conversation with a dear friend, I found myself going down my rabbit hole again. Not fully realizing it at the time, I could feel my smallness creeping back after we hung up the phone (although, interesting that none of us “hangs” up the phone anymore… but I digress). On my morning walk today, I checked in… what was that about? I’ve been working really hard at staying bright and light.

My factors for small:
~ “Impatience." Where are the results? Why aren’t they showing up? OMG, how long do I have to wait??    Expectations of immediacy are everywhere and, while my work is nothing new for me, I am reminded that we never see all the times that successful people “failed” or their lengthy growth process. We only see their gold. Not that I’m comparing myself to others but, when we are moving forward to larger greatness, we need to have mentors and models in our mindsight. It keeps us motivated and excited… at least until we are feeling small.
~ “I’m not doing enough.” - On those days where you feel you got nothing done, have you ever written down everything that you did that day? Try it. It’s amazing! You’ll never tell yourself this again. Even just getting up and showing up can be huge some days. For me, I take action every single day, every single day, on my work and my practice. Maybe that’s the key - take a mental day off. haha  Work smarter, not harder.
~ "I’m not good enough. If I was better, things would be better.” Well, total freaking BS to the first part of this meme. I know I am enough, super awesome in fact, that I have amazing wisdom, skill sets, and tools to share. The second part of that…. working on it.

Me staying in my small and constricted zone does no one any good, so I say…
Will you join me? thanks for listening.
Peace and Love,
Shanti

Shanti Douglas
Mindfulness & Lovestyle Coach

I hate to ask you to do this since I prefer to lead with the positive, but this is important. As you go about your day today, notice the things you are doing that bring you no joy, that frustrate you, that you avoid with a passion, and that create lots of grumbling under or above your breath. Basically, these things are no fun at all and, if you had your way, you'd never do them again. Ever.

So why are you doing them?

Oh my gosh, I just heard some "should's" and "have to's" with a list of rationalization and reasoning behind it. "No one else can do it like I can." "It's part of my job." "That's just the way it is (defeated sigh)." "It's quicker and easier if I just do it."

Hmmmmmm.....  So let's step back for a moment.

Let's get curious about the energy you're bringing to these things? What does it feel like in your body when you do these things... tense, tight, constricted, closed down, shut off? What about your mind... hate, despair, heaviness, regret, pain, suffering, resistance? Do you feel like ripping someone's head off, screaming out loud, throwing something, or perhaps crawling into a ball with your favorite teddy bear or laying on the floor lifeless with a blank stare?

Yes, I know these reactions might seem a bit extreme but I can guarantee that you've been there at one time or another. I know I'm raising my hand. None of it feels good.

When you do these things with this energy and mind set, are you doing the job well? No, probably not. What level of service are you offering? Probably pretty crappy since there's no love (or even like) involved. So why are we still doing it and why do we feel trapped by our thinking that we are the only ones that have to do this certain thing? Where is the balance? How broad do you want your shoulders to be? How much weight can you really carry?

I'm challenging you - let the stuff that you hate to do go!

And while I'm not saying that the task doesn't need to be taken care of, there are other ways and people that can do it... maybe not as well at your level or in the same way but they can get it done. Perhaps a system of shared responsibility needs to begin so that you are not doing it all and feeling burdened by things that are actually owned by or the responsibility of someone else.

For instance, how old are your kids? Who wears their clothes? Who's doing the laundry? Who's responsibility is it when they need their clean baseball jersey for their game tomorrow and it's 9:30 at night? What level of frustration rises in you? Yes, you can lecture them that they "should have...." (which never feels good for anyone) but then, what actions are taken? Who's gathering the clothes and staying up late to make sure they are washed and ready to go the next day? Hmmmmmm.....

Or how about that report at work that you dread doing every week, that you put off until the absolute last minute, where your only focus is getting it off your desk and not the possibilities that exist in the data. Who says you are the only one that can do it? What opportunities exist for growth and development of other team members, for process streamlining, or data systematization? I'm hearing a lot of "No, it won't work" "We've tried that" talk being said right now but I invite you to gather the troops and figure out a better and different way.

And for those times where it is impossible (at least right now) for change to take place, the only other choice for your sanity and sense of freedom is to change the way you look at it. If you can't leave it, then love it. Find something empowering about the project or task, even if it's the mindset that you have control over it. It is not controlling your thoughts, emotions, or the quality of your day. Do whatever needs to get done, stop complaining, be done with it, and then move on to the next greatest thing in your life. End of story. Period.

I work with people all the time in my coaching practice who have had enough. Unfortunately many times it's come to the point of receiving a diagnosis or medication, a divorce, career change, or other life changing event. I want to encourage you not to wait. It is possible to ask for what you need and to do it in a way that maintains honor of self and others.

Personal empowerment is the way that we come to love our life in every moment, even those moments that we'd prefer not to have in front of us. We are the ones that dictate the amount of joy or suffering in our experience. Let's be the Master of Me!

Wishing you lots of Peace and Love,
Shanti

Shanti Douglas
Mindfulness & Lovestyle Coach