Time creates comfort and gentle habits begin to form. Sometimes it doesn’t take long - a few months perhaps - as we gain a sense of joining. There’s togetherness in even the most basic of routines, like who will make the morning coffee or prepare dinner.
Care must be drawn as the familiar rises, however, ensuring that we don’t assume the needs or behaviors of the other. We still need to ask. We still need to clarify. Expression of self is even more important now that the honeymoon fluff is receding. There’s a real you and a real me. The mist of newness and excitement slowly dissipates with relational truth beginning to reveal itself. There is no miracle time at which takes place. It’s really just a reflection of the natural and wondrous transition to deeper connection and togetherness.
The particulate is shaped in how we transform that which attracted to remain in highest esteem. It also is shaped by our ability and willingness to express unwholesome and uncomfortable aspects which have risen in relationship. Holding back or lashing out are destructive. Peacefully exploring awarenesses of difficulties and preferences, communicating in a manner that maintains respect and safety for both, is something we are not accustomed to doing. The tools are often difficult to locate and must be sought after. It also involves a lot of risk, which some are not prepared for or desirous to pursue. Options may be many but too often the thought arises “better to leave than to deal”.
Expressing needs, identifying feelings, being heard, sharing with no judgment and only from our experience...there are few life classes for this. The rewards are innumerable, however, and can’t be matched by any standard or happiness scale. When we are able to care for and be cared for in relationship, the world seems like a different place. It’s filled with possibility, not just for the two, but for the many lives that are touched as the energy of joy is brought forward. Being able to maintain respect and honor, there is love...or at least the potential.
Mindfulness & Stress Management Coach